That's intense
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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