i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
