Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
