I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
