i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize