were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
