Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
