just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
