You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
