I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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