Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
