So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize