Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
