Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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