I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
