saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
