I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize