So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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