we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
