we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I party with great urgency now.
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