I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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