I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
