wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
