I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize