He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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