we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
