I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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