oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
