i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
