Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
