I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
