That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
