Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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