I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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