u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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