Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
