Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
