are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
