running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
