So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize