I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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