that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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