i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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