oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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