His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
