we made out on top of his cat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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