theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
