is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
