if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
