I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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