There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
