at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
