Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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