Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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