I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
