A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
