i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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