I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
