I bet he comes in French.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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