I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
