Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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