he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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