obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
