Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
