I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
