Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
