Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
