also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
