So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
