I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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