Welp...herpes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize