I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will be naked everywhere
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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