you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize