somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
