I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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