last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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