google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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