smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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