I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
