brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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