So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
