He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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