Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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