woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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