I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
