Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
