To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize