please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
