Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
