Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the condom got lost in my hair
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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