my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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