I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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