Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
