I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
