Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
