Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
