Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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