If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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