this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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