i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
