grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's Friday. Sex?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize