She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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