just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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