Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
