I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize