I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
