I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
